The Shadow’s Gift: Finding Freedom

I love to love. My favorite quote is by Mother Theresa, “Intense love does not measure…it just gives.” What practical, no-nonsense insight about the nature of love. I have always been taught that there is only one power and that is love. In our pursuit of personal power, of empowerment, it is easy to lose sight of this; to confuse power with ego and not love. If we can experience one moment of having an open heart, of truly loving without conditions, then we can trust that it is possible to return here to this feeling, this sensation in the heart center, this sense of peace that is unique to just loving with no agenda or expectation. Anything other than that is attachment, it is filling the holes in us with ego-treats that always come back to kick us in the gut with indigestion.

The purpose of the mother is to love without limitation. Sometimes love looks like hugs and band aids, sometimes love looks like  stern word or boundary upheld. Certainly it includes everything; if we can love our children, as mothers and fathers do, regardless of behavior and with the understanding that there is always more to learn, then we can extend that love to one another. You may not originate from my gene pool, but I love you nonetheless.

Mother Theresa, through her actions, showed us what love is. She held the sick and the dying, she immersed herself in our shadows, not unaffected by them but with the strength of a warrior spirit. Inevitably, whether in this lifetime or the next, we will encounter our own shadows. We will have to endure the consequences of all of our actions and eventually, somewhere along the way, realize that taking repsonsibility for ourselves IS actually easier than embracing victim consciousness. Not as a spiritual concept, but as a sigh of relief, a step toward freedom. We judge ourselves too harshly, and we judge one another as well. Only in the healing crisis can we find some level of humilty. Each part of our shadow that we face becomes another opportunity to find patience and compassion for the same in another. When we make it through a hard feeling and come out the other side vulnerable and open, we find compassion. If we get stuck half way through the process we find riteous judgement. If we never step into the shadow journey we live in fear, denial and stubborness.

I have had the privledge to bear witness to many transformations in myself and in others. I have watched a woman feel the pain of neglect and abuse and rebirth herself to become her own mother. For the first time in her life she is safe, protected and has renewed strength. I have faced my own inner judge and critic, victim and perpetrator, killer and goddess, and found my own heart. Our capacity for healing is limitless; through the energy and frequency of the breath, of life force, of light, of love, we burn through our resistances and our blocks. Last week I watched a man experience the transformation of releasing blockages in both of his wrists, blocks he had held for 30 years. He is now pain free with full mobility in both arms. I witnessed a woman heal from back pain through attentiveness, by listening with light. The pain is gone. How do we do this? The gift of healing is in the shadow; if we can face and feel, we can heal. But we must stand with both feet on the ground and look our shadow squarely in the eyes.

Love loves through us. When we heal it is not only ourselves we are benefiting; we heal all who come before us and those who will come after. We heal so that the next seven generations can carry on without that level of karma. They will pick up the torch where we leave off and heal so that the next seven generations will be stronger in spirit and in heart. Our ancestors breathe easier. In healing my anger my father finds relief; his father is healed. In empowering myself and self-advocating, all those who have ever been enslaved receive healing. When we use our voice we speak for all of those who have not yet found theirs. What is more beautiful and worthy than this?

Love your shadow. Love your anger and your pain and your wound; the gems are there, through the darkness. It will never feel comfortable or safe to make that journey. The warrior spirit makes it anyway. By immersing ourselves in our feeling of aloneness we discover our power and feel connected; we discover self love and begin to experience the fresh air of compassion in our hearts for self and others. Real compassion, real peace, not intellectual mercy or riteousness. We find connection to the Divine in the experience of our own divinity.

We face our shadow self in the moment when it arises. The moment I feel judgment toward myself or another I witness my judgment and do not feed it with further thought. I let the pure emotion show me my insecurity, and I track that to it’s source. There in the pool of feeling I find relaxation in my heart. By not reacting to my initial feelings of judgment I remain centered in the awareness that I am okay and I do no harm. This is my freedom. I allow myself the humanity of imperfection and in so doing remember my own beauty. I give myself what I so desperately want to receive; love and respect and patience. No one can do it for me, but I can do it for myself; I can do my best to radiate this to another, without measure. Just giving.